When He Can't Or Won't Commit - Can You Get Past His Excuses?

Is your man holding back from giving you the commitment that you want? Maybe you have been dating for a while. Perhaps you want to get married or to live together. This is a huge issue with many women who have met a man that they want to be with but he doesn't seem keen to take that final step. If your man can't or won't commit, read on to find out what steps you can take to resolve the situation.

Whilst I believe that most men want to love and be loved, there is no doubt that some men are either afraid of commitment or unwilling to commit. The reasons for this fear and anxiety are varied but can have great importance in a man's mind. Are these just excuses or are most men so commitment phobic that you just don't stand a chance? I don't think so. But how do you get past his excuses and how can you tell if a man can't commit or if he won't commit?

If a man is immature then perhaps he can't commit. An immature man can rarely consider the wants and needs of others above his own and has no staying power in relationships. He may be happy to be with you whilst you are giving and demanding little in return but the relationship has few prospects for a long term future as, eventually, you are going to want him to give back. Some of the techniques I advise may have some temporary effect but you will probably end up exhausted if you stay with him.

Then there is the type of man who has his own reasons not to commit. He may fall into the immature category or he may not. Maybe he has been hurt in the past and is wary about running this risk again. Perhaps, however, he is mature enough to feel that he doesn't currently have the resources to provide stability in a relationship. Many men wish to get to a certain level in their life, wealth or career before they would feel good enough to provide for a woman.

For the majority of men, I suspect that many are not actively looking for a commitment, although there are of course exceptions. Commitment seems not to be as important to men generally as it is to women as they are well equipped to live alone. That is, however, until a special type of woman comes along; one who stands out from all the rest. If you know how to be that type of woman, then you can get past all his excuses and have your man chasing you for a commitment.

Whilst a man may have some fear of commitment and may not, in his own mind, be ready to commit, you can help him to get over this fear by ensuring that your relationship is in a positive place. If you're griping and moaning to him about his lack of commitment to you and everything else that is wrong in your relationship, then that is hardly likely to help make him commit. Men want a relationship that is fun and gives them good emotions and positive feelings.

Therefore, if he can't or won't commit, stop trying to persuade him with words as this doesn't work for a man. Make your relationship a positive experience for him. Increase your fun and enjoyment together to help him conquer his fear. Maximise the chemistry in your relationship to a level where he's no longer thinking about why he can't commit but why he can't wait to commit.

About the Author

Do you need a plan of action to get a guy to commit? I can help! Get specific steps on what you can do if he can't or won't commit. Or get him to commit when you learn the secrets most women don't know about keeping a great man.

If You Love a Man With a Fear of Commitment

If you love a man whom you suspect has a fear of commitment, first are you sure he has this fear?  You want to be sure that is the case and that it's not just a matter of he doesn't want to commit to you.  Look at his past.  Has he had a number of short term relationships?  Has he jumped from one to the other?  Does this fear transfer into other areas of his life such as does he struggle to commit to other things as well such as work or outings with friends?  If you answered yes, he may suffer from commitment phobia.

What makes it so difficult being in love with a man with a fear of commitent is the emotional roller coaster ride you stay on.  Commitment phobic men crave the very thing that they fear.  Closeness, love and connection.  They seek this out, then once they get it they distance again.  It's back and forth and you are stuck in the middle.

What happens is he pulls you close and you have an amazing night or few days together.  It feels like he is so present with you.  This never lasts.  The very man that was so wonderful at one moment will distance again down the road, maybe days or weeks later.  It gets to be a pattern and you are hooked on the good times.  You get stuck in his patern of seduction and rejection.

If the man you love has this yo yo behavior, it's tough.  You wonder will he ever come around.  You read hope into the times that he is present.  One thing though, a man who does this does not make a good partner.  Also you may want to consider why you would settle for such a partner?  Could you have commitment issues also?

There is active commitment phobia and passive commitment phobia.  The active phobic is the one doing the running.  The passive is the one that stays with the running partner, this hindering themselves from ever having to commit and enter into a long term relationship. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitmentphobic.  It's a double edged sword here.

If you are in love with a commitment phobic you may want to question deeper why you stay with him.  I know I know, you love him.  He may love you also.  This does not mean it will work.  A man with a fear of commitment does not make a good partner that will adore, cherish and meet your needs.  He will leave you in emotional turmoil.

There are exceptions to every rule.  I have known commitment phobic men who have commited.  Usually it happens suddenly.  He meets a woman he can't imagine being without.  Next thing you know this new woman is wearing a ring.  It happens.  It takes a certain kind of woman to stay and inspire the man with the fear of commitment to commit.

About the Author

I am a female that has conducted extensive research on male/female dynamics. I have life experience and currently coach men and women on creating and improving relationships.