If you love a man whom you suspect has a fear of commitment, first are you sure he has this fear? You want to be sure that is the case and that it's not just a matter of he doesn't want to commit to you. Look at his past. Has he had a number of short term relationships? Has he jumped from one to the other? Does this fear transfer into other areas of his life such as does he struggle to commit to other things as well such as work or outings with friends? If you answered yes, he may suffer from commitment phobia.
What makes it so difficult being in love with a man with a fear of commitent is the emotional roller coaster ride you stay on. Commitment phobic men crave the very thing that they fear. Closeness, love and connection. They seek this out, then once they get it they distance again. It's back and forth and you are stuck in the middle.
What happens is he pulls you close and you have an amazing night or few days together. It feels like he is so present with you. This never lasts. The very man that was so wonderful at one moment will distance again down the road, maybe days or weeks later. It gets to be a pattern and you are hooked on the good times. You get stuck in his patern of seduction and rejection.
If the man you love has this yo yo behavior, it's tough. You wonder will he ever come around. You read hope into the times that he is present. One thing though, a man who does this does not make a good partner. Also you may want to consider why you would settle for such a partner? Could you have commitment issues also?
There is active commitment phobia and passive commitment phobia. The active phobic is the one doing the running. The passive is the one that stays with the running partner, this hindering themselves from ever having to commit and enter into a long term relationship. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitmentphobic. It's a double edged sword here.
If you are in love with a commitment phobic you may want to question deeper why you stay with him. I know I know, you love him. He may love you also. This does not mean it will work. A man with a fear of commitment does not make a good partner that will adore, cherish and meet your needs. He will leave you in emotional turmoil.
There are exceptions to every rule. I have known commitment phobic men who have commited. Usually it happens suddenly. He meets a woman he can't imagine being without. Next thing you know this new woman is wearing a ring. It happens. It takes a certain kind of woman to stay and inspire the man with the fear of commitment to commit.
About the AuthorI am a female that has conducted extensive research on male/female dynamics. I have life experience and currently coach men and women on creating and improving relationships.
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