Why Do Most Men Fail At Online Dating?

Some guys are naturals when it comes to online dating and girls. But for most of us mere mortals, there is a technique and a process one must master in order to develop into a seasoned online dater. Looks and brains alone aren't enough, in fact too much of a good thing can undermine one's chances.

Many men who, after perusing the chat rooms and online dating sites in search of a mate, end up with more misses than hits - in the majority of cases, mostly misses. Online rejection is one of the biggest issues would-be online daters face. Succeeding with online dating sites requires a little foresight, but most importantly, common sense. The girls have a huge choice of men from which to select, so if you don't stack up it's pretty much a case of 'easy come ease go."

Dating isn't supposed to be rocket science, and even if it were, men are wired in such a way that they would supposedly excel at it. There are two most likely reasons: men overestimate OR underestimate themselves.

There are smart men -- you know, the ones who got straight As in school, the ones who can talk up a storm about any topic. The problem is, they are too smart and eager to share knowledge that they come across as arrogant and so into themselves that women get intimidated or put off by such ignorant attitudes.

Another type of man that may be guilty of overestimating themselves in the dating game are those who've got the looks of a model but the social skills of a goldfish. They are interesting to look at, but become boring after a while. They are so vain that women get the impression that these men are incapable of loving anybody else other than themselves.

Then there are the super virile types who, unlike the model-look-alikes above, appear quite genuinely interested in women, what makes them tick and all, but their approach is so intense, scorching in fact. They ask too many intimate questions too soon (on the first chat, for example) that women (especially those looking for serious relationships and not just cybersex) get turned off.

Your Dating Profile is the Gateway

When initiating contact with a girl, use her dating profile as your instruction manual to find out how she works. Personalize your approach based on her profile description, "I see you're a Pilates fan, how long have you been do classes?" Ask her questions of interest that will provoke a response. Otherwise, if you fail to appeal to her senses, she'll click the delete button in a heartbeat.

Now, those who underestimate themselves are another story. They may have good IQs, good looks and okay social skills but they somehow get so overwhelmed about the whole dating game experience. They get so caught up with not coming across as arrogant that they hide in their shells. Their profiles on dating sites are peppered with dull and vague one-liner descriptions: "Fun, cool, patient, understanding." Of course, women will pass them up because they are B-O-R-I-N-G.

So what does it take for men to succeed in singles chat rooms and casual dating online? Be genuine. Of course, it's the best foot forward, just like when you're applying for a job, but don't present yourself as someone you're not.

And those photos you put on your profile? Pick ones that show the fun, adventurous, warm side of you. Forget those head shots where you're wearing a suit and looking directly at the camera (incidentally, there's a study that says men whose photos show them looking away from the camera, appearing quite detached, tend to score more hits on online dating sites).

Don't forget the power of the first email or chat. Avoid the ‘toos': too vague, too detailed, too intimate. Some men get carried away and write details about themselves starting from birth. Just pick the interesting ones that maybe the other person can relate to. Also, be a little mysterious, don't be too available. Women are a sucker for guys who make them guess.

So wipe away your tears, turn your computer back on, and get back to work!

About the Author

About the author. Matt Fuller writes about a variety of subjects that relate to online dating sites and matchmaking services. Matt has been a matchmaking consultant for nearly a decade.