Patterns In A Relationship

It is easy to get locked into patterns with another person and to find yourself expecting things to always stay the same. Patterns evolve usually because we are not allowing change to take place.  We behave in set ways to either make ourselves feel comfortable or to protect ourselves.  Patterns are a way of controlling our world around us.  When we establish patterns with another person, the pattern become hard to let go of.   The pattern itself has taken on a bigger role and has more of a purpose because there are two people involved.  Both sides reestablish the pattern whenever it is triggered.  If one person wishes to let the pattern or habit go, it also requires the other person's co-operation.

The trigger for a pattern in a relationship can be so many different things. Triggers set us off and reaffirm our need to control, and this causes the pattern.  The trigger makes us uncomfortable or vulnerable, so we try to maintain what control we can over the other person or the moment.  Even if the pattern we have created feels harmful, it can still make us more comfortable.  If the pattern has happened before, then we understand it and can cope with it.  Changing and letting go of patterns is a joint effort if it has been established by two people.  If you can clearly see a pattern and it is harming your relationship, then it is time to change and let it go.

Letting go of a pattern is easiest when it involves both of you doing it together. Both sides need to understand the triggers and respond to them differently when they arise.  Both sides need to be aware for the pattern to change.  If only one person is trying, they may find it extremely difficult for change to take place.  A discussion of the harmful effects of the pattern can help.  If both sides can clearly see what is happening and resolve to let the pattern go, then it can be done.  Both sides need to want it to be different.  If one sees no problem and no need to alter their behavior or responses, then change may not occur.

The only way to truly let it go is if both sides can agree to establish a new way of communicating, relating, and being with each other. Both sides need to understand its effect on the other person and the need for change.  Patterns are created and they can also be released.  If both sides remain aware of the triggers which lead to the pattern they can respond differently.  If both can stay present with each other and are determined not to let themselves be carried away by the usual response, there can be change.  It may feel hard, but it can be done.  Be aware of the triggers that cause the problem and instead use those moments as your opportunity to change.

About the Author

Adam Benedetto and Zoe Young are both dedicated to enabling others to reach their full potential in life, to help others release what is holding them back, and to find their true selves. Through years of experience and development, both have sought out the answers we all need to find peace, understand ourselves, and reach enlightenment.
Open up to the peace you will find when you truly see yourself, your true self, and learn how to be in the moment at Answers in Writing.